1st Irish Pub Joke
'Nah...' your man says, ' I'm preferrin' that ye bring 'em three at a time. You see, me and me two brothers would meet at a pub and drink and have good times. Now one is in Australia, the other in Canada and I'm here. We agreed before we split up that we'd drink to each other's honour this way.'
'Well,' says the bartender, 'that's a grand thing to do, all right. I'll bring the pints as you ask.'
Well, time goes on and your man's peculiar habit is known and accepted by all the pub regulars. One day though, he comes in and orders only two pints. A hush falls over the pub. Naturally, everyone figures something happened to one of the brothers. A group of the regulars corner the bartender and finally persuade him to find out what happened. With a heavy heart, the bartender brings the two pints and says, 'Here's your pints... and let me offer my sincerest condolences. What happened?'
The Irish man looks extremely puzzled for a moment, and then starts laughing.
'Oh, no, no, no! 'Tis nothing like that. You see, I've given up drinking for Lent...'
2nd Irish Pub Joke
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another... the Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches in to the glass, grabs the fly between his fingers and shakes him as hard as he can, shouting 'Spit it out, ya bloody bastard! Spit it out!'
3rd Irish Pub Joke
Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door he tries to stand up, and yet again, falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he summons the last of his strength and tries one final time to stand.
It's no use. He tumbles into bed and is soon sound asleep, only to awaken the next morning to the sound of his wife standing over him shouting.
'So... you've been out drinking again!'
'How did you know?' he asks, his head hung in shame.
'The pub called-- you left your damn wheelchair down there again!'
A Irish toast to everyone:
My friends are the best friends
Loyal, willing and able.
Now let’s get to drinking!
All glasses off the table!
Here's to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold pint-- and another one!
Nemo risum praebuit, qui ex se coepit
Nobody is laughed at, who laughs at himself.